Friday, February 27, 2009

Change #1 and Change #2

Change #1



I had to drop choir.





My schedule was just not working. I was up to 6 evening commitments taking up 4 different nights (violin lesson, discipling relationship with Marie, date night at my grandparents, choir, sunday night band, focus group for Pastor Scott). They all are commitments that do not have an end in sight(except for focus group). In other words, they are not 'just for a time.'





I also have other commitments that come up but not on a weekly basis (worship team, orchestra). They do however, show up every month (once or twice).





On top of that I work full time which means including lunch break and driving time I'm gone for 10 hours a day just with that alone. Add in a discipling relationship that is intense and requires homework. Add in parents who want a clean room/bathroom/help around the house. Add in a serious boyfriend.





It was getting overwhelming and the Lord made it clear to me that choir was the commitment to be dropped.





Change #2




My discipling relationship with Marie is over.



I still can't talk about this one without crying. Marie is very dear to me. We have been meeting together for the past 2 years. She helped me through all the divorce changes and has mentored me faithfully. She and I have in depth studied the book of Ruth and the book of Colossians and 3 chapters of Esther. She has looked out for me and covered me in prayer. She has loved me and encouraged me and confronted me and pushed and poked and prodded me. She has poured herself and her time into me and I am changed because of it. She explained that discipleship relationships run along courses/seasons. She understands that I am heading towards the next season as I pursue my relationship with Adam. It is her desire that Adam and I meet with a couple and to be mentored by a couple. This is her way of freeing me up for that. She understood there was not a way for me to add another mentoring relationship and still keep up mine with her. So she suggested that it was time to end the formal relationship. Boy did I cry. I understand the goal though and Adam and I are meeting tonight with Tom and Suzi Pilarski. Hopefully we will be able to get a good answer on if they are going to be the couple for us. There have been about 4 times that I've tried to tell my folks about the discipling end but everytime I near the approach of mentioning it I absolutely choke up. I'm doing it right now, and I'm not even having to say anything out loud. To everything there is a season. Some seasons are really hard. I know Marie and I will stay in touch seeing as how we've got a rich foundation laid down. I am thankful for her. Everyone who made it this far in reading should take 3 seconds and say a prayer of blessing for Marie.





Now some may say, "That's two things off your plate then, so can't you add choir back in?" Well, I thought about it. But I know I'm not supposed to. Since I will be hopefully adding a couples discipling relationship in (and possibly commitment to College Group at church). I want to still have some time to have some freedom. Some time to devote to talking to my parents. Some time to devote to cleaning. To getting to bed early. To getting my oil changed on time. To practicing my orchestra music. Laundry. Eating dinner with my folks. Who knows if I'll fit ALL that in, but at least I can begin to try. For instance, last night I was able to chat a bunch with my dad, eat dessert with him, put my jammies on early, and spend some good time in prayer and reading the Word. It was precious. Exactly what I needed.





I just want to end by encouraging everyone to look to the Lord and be thankful. The Lord is so good to us. He supplies us with the things we need (even if what we need is to have something taken away). Sometimes those things are only for a time and it hurts when they leave, but they served a great purpose and allowed growth. I haven't hurt this much since 'you know what,' but I know that on top of God's sovereignty, He is good and loves me and is doing what is best for me. So I'm trying to embrace everything and move onward.. you know.. like a Christian Soldier. =)





Mom, I know you will need tissues when you are done reading this. You've seen me cry lately. I love you!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Lots

Lots going on in life. Lots to think about. Lots to do in not a lot of time. Lots of Dr. Pepper wanted by me. Lots of love for Adam. Lots of thankfulness to the Lord for His grace and goodness. Lots of tears recently!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Yuck Yuck YUCKY!

FOUND ON SITE – Redbacked Jumping Spider: (Saw this little beauty as I walked back into work after lunch today. I stopped. Took a pic. Called D over. He stuck his boot out and the spider charged his boot. D said, "Should I kill it?" I said, "Yes." So then I submitted the below information for our safety bulletin board. Wanted to puke my guts out doing the research. I'm sure I will feel spider crawling up me for the rest of the night.)



Jumping spiders have excellent vision, and they are all very capable of noticing an approaching human. Some jumping spiders are very shy and will immediately seek a less exposed position. Other jumping spiders are less shy and will turn around so that they can observe the approaching human. Some are so curious that they are hard to photograph because they will jump on the camera lens to explore it, or they may jump onto a human's hand if they are not given special cause to fear it. They do not jump onto such a large object with the intention of biting. The Redbacked Jumping Spider is unusual in that it is almost totally fearless. Unless the surface they rest on is jolted somehow, they will generally not move away. The problem is that if a human takes advantage of the situation and captures the spider then the spider may get pinched or squeezed in the process, and when a spider gets hurt it may bite to protect itself. It is also possible that humans are more likely to unintentionally brush against these spiders because they are not so quick to run away as are other jumping spiders. Perhaps some children find these beautiful spiders so attractive that they attempt to capture them and take them home. If they are bitten, the pain will be at least as painful as the sting of a honey bee, and a relatively large dose of venom may be injected due to the large size of these members of the genus Phidippus. So the experience will not be pleasant, but not life threatening. The effects will gradually decrease in intensity over the course of a few days.



The males of this species have less black and brighter red coloration as compared to the females. These spiders at adulthood are typically around 3/4 of an inch in body length, so they have a lot of venom available (at least compared to most jumping spiders). However, their venom is similar to other members of this genus and does not pose a threat to human life. Probably because of the larger volume of venom involved, some people have experienced considerable discomfort when they have been bitten. The only way a jumping spider bite may be hazardous is if the person bitten is allergic to spider venom, and because of that it is extremely important to consult medical attention when bitten by a spider.



Habitat
They prefer to stay in their tubular silky nests beneath debris, woods or anywhere undisturbed on the ground. Since the redback jumping spider is a sight hunter it stays in its nests during nights and when the weather is bad.



http://wiki.answers.com/
http://kaweahoaks.com/html/spi_phidippus_johnsoni.html

Monday, February 23, 2009

New Music - The Fray

Latley, I've been saying to Adam, "I'm really needing some new music." I run into that sometimes. I LOVE music. (Just ask my folks. It is never quiet when I'm around. Music is always on. I remember we would get in the car to drive somewhere and I would ask for music and mom would say, "Can't you just enjoy the quiet?" Absolutely no way.)

Tonight I purchased The Fray.



















I will be giving it a listen to. Very excited!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

6 Months = Chick-Fil-A




This is where Adam and I went to celebrate our 6 month anniversary. It was a great experience. 1/2 a year down!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Eisley - Brightly Wound

I love this song. Not so much for the chorus of never wanting to grow up, because that is not reality, but there are some great lines and the song in general makes me happy.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ponderings in the Office.

I've begun to realize that there is something at work that doesn't sit well with me.

There is the typical American tradition of asking someone "How are you?" and the typical American traditional response, "I'm good. Thanks, how are you?" But here at work it's different. I ask someone, "How are you?" and they respond, "I'm really GREAT! Thanks for asking!" I should be happy about this, except I'm not.

I don't understand. I'm the one who lives the great life (even when there are trials). I'm the one who has eternal reason for living joyfully through my day no matter what's going on. But day in and day out over here it's "I'M GREAT!" Are they faking? I think so. Are they covering up? Probably. Do they realize that they are content with the existence of their lives that are headed to hell? I doubt they even consider it. It bothers me. And moreso I think to myself I need to somehow show these people that they need Christ.

In the past it seems that I've been able to do that with the life I live. By having a life of peace and joy and hope because in a changing world my circumstances are controlled by my unchanging God. My path is already set for me and while it may not be the plans I thought, they are the plans God has chosen for me. But I'm faced with a new challenge here. Because just living my life doesn't seem to be enough. I'm starting to feel that God has been/is preparing me so that He can begin requiring more.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Chocolate Muffin

So since my 'diet' I've been really, honestly, pretty good. Just about every Friday at work K brings in donuts and for the past 2-3 weeks I've rejected the donuts and gone with the banana. Good choices, Erin. Wise choices. Moderation. Today, however, E met with Hyatt people and they gave us two boxes of fresh baked muffins and two boxes of fresh baked croissants. And I went over to the counter (bad choice number 1) and I grabbed a chocolate muffin (bad choice number 2) and I ate it (bad choice number 3).

And it tasted really good.



S who is our Trucking Manager here knows about my diet. He was in my bosses office when I came walking back to my desk with the muffin. He started laughing.



This afternoon he stopped by my desk and as I raised my hands to the heavens I said, "Why S?? Why did I eat the chocolate muffin??" And he said, "Because you have your own little chocolate muffin that you love. You just can't stay away."



Cracked me up. That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard him say.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Thoughts

A.) I recently bought some Gorgonzola Cheese Crackers from Trader Joe's. I realize now that I bought them mostly because the box was pretty. Aqua and butter yellow and cream and gold? I think there was gold. It's in my car and I'm at my desk so I am not able to confirm. But it's a pretty box. And I thought. Cheesy crackers Trader Joe's style.. can't go wrong. Well here's the thing.. They really taste like Bleu Cheese. In light of that 2 thoughts have been inspired.


1) What is the difference between Gorgonzola and Bleu Cheese since to me they taste like something bad (no words are coming to mind)? And


2) Why is it spelled Bleu?
So I turn to Google.


1) Gorgonzola IS a type of Bleu Cheese. Gross. No wonder I don't like the crackers.


2) Couldn't find an answer so I have told myself that Bleu is the way the French spell Blue. I'm satisfied.



B) I have figured out a way to get to places on time if you are running late. This is the process. Do all of your makeup EXCEPT for your mascara. Once you are in the car and way behind scheduled departure time tell yourself you will wait until you hit a red light and then you will put a coat of mascara on. Guaranteed green lights the whole way to your destination. Consequence: you have no mascara on.







C) Adam and I have been going through 1 Cor 13 in our relationship. Every week we have been adding a chunk of it to apply into our relationship. We have worked on Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. And now this week we are adding Love is not arrogant. And love is not rude. It's been a really great and really focusing thing for us. I think we've seen some good growth come out of this. It's a good challenge and only has benefits..







D) I've really been wanting to post something relevant lately, but have writer's block.







E) In light of D I've been thinking of posting about my studies through the book of Esther.

Friday, February 13, 2009

*Ahem* (*Swallow*) Taxes

FIASCO! (the taxes AND the fact that my blog will not format with paragraphs and spacing for all the dramatic effect I like to throw in (*smiles sarcastically* but is still serious))




Last year. In February. I filed my taxes. I was determined to NOT pay a taxman. So I used a free site and Uncle Kelly. We sat there and went through my W2's and my 1099. We plugged in the information. He called his taxman. And we did it. Turns out I had made so little that I didn't need to file State.. only Federal taxes. I opted to not use my credit card and pay the taxes in Feb thinking I would keep the $330 dollars in my account until April. So April came and I printed off the receipt of my tax documets. The part that says 'mail this in with your payment.' I took it to the Post Office and mailed it in. Right on time. (Actually a couple days early.. or maybe one.) I was now waiting to receive my stimulus check for $300 which means -technically- I only paid $30 dollars in taxes.




I waited through April, May, June - nothing. July, August.. September? -nothing. October -nothing. Now I don't remember exact dates but I know it was late October that I started calling the IRS. I had some kind of back post or Facebook status that said the IRS was playing Christmas music and it was EARLY. I had faithfully been checking "What's the Status of My Stimulus Payment?" and getting nowhere. The representative I finally spoke too after being re-routed and having to call -count it- THREE different numbers was a very kind lady (NOTTT! She was a very verrrry mean lady!) She made me recall a lot of information .. She told me my filing was never received. I told her it had been a ton of months and I had mailed in a check and if they hadn't received my filing, why hadn't my check been returned?' She said 'It's not our job to figure that out. If someone mails us a check, we are gonna cash it. We're not gonna figure out what it goes to, that is up to the PERSON to figure out.' I was mad, I told her I would have to call back some other time because my lunch break was over. Instead what I did was print off the copies of my tax documents and a copy of the check I mailed the IRS and resubmit it all. In November I called back. The same thing happened plus more. They didn't have anything on file. She THEN told me that my name was not Erin Augustson it was Erin Hann. (I had changed my name in January 2007 back to Erin Augustson. ) I was thinking.. 'What is going ON here?' So I emailed (except I'm told I didn't (and maybe I really didn't. Maybe some error happened whether on my part, Uncle Kelly's part or the H&R site did something when I decided not to process payment at that time.)




So I started checking the H&R Block website. -Down for routine maintenance. GRRR.




So I called the faithful Taxman my parents and grandparents have used for YEARS. He said, "Start with H&R Block. Figure out from them what went wrong. If it's a mess I'll help you. It won't be without a headache, but we can take care of it."




By this time it was November. Every Wednesday night I go to 'Date Night at Grandma and Grandpa's." I'll have to post about this sometime. I was sitting at the dinner table. And I got to thinkin'. I haven't gotten anything from the DMV for registration renewal... So I casually mentioned it while we ate. And then in my head I said "I haven't received a stinking thing and I am 99% sure my tags expire in Nov." That was it I had to go check. So I ran down the stairs and jogged over to my car. Sure enough. EXPIRED! -AYYYE WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?- I turned to jog back inside and back up to the dinner table. I made it about 3 steps, my shoe slipped off my foot and I tripped.. and then.. I fell down. It wasn't a pretty fall. I fell ALL THE WAY DOWN. Flat like a pancake. Not to my hands and knees. Straight down. Belly to the ground. I popped back up. Man my hands stung. My hip. I went back inside. Grandma put bandaids on my hands.




Now, my tags were expired, my taxes weren't filed, my name was Erin Hann, and I had no stimulus check.




I got to work the next day and asked if I could take a day off to try and deal with it all. I was given it. Went to Social Security, they verified my name was Erin Augustson (like my driver's license proved) and had been since January 2007. I went to the DMV, ready to pay the late fees for the registration that was NEVER mailed to me. And they waived them. Things were going good. Went to H&R Block, and the office was closed with a sign in the window saying to go to their Soledad location. So I went there. CLOSED! Upset! Called!! The guy told me my taxes were never submitted.



Erin, "Why?"



H&R Man, "I don't know, but you didn't submit them through the site."



Erin, "But you can see my info?"



H&R Man, "Yes."



Erin, "Well can you just submit the information you have there?"



H&R Man, "No, because it didn't keep it on file because you used the free easy file and it deleted all the information when we started readying our site for 2008 taxes."



Erin, "So what am I supposed to do?"



H&R Man, "Your best bet is to print the documents and mail them in."




So what I did was reprint all the documents AGAIN and this time I sent them certified mail. Mhm. So now I KNOW that IRS received my tax documents. A week later there was an envelope in the mail for me from the IRS. My dad was like "Hey Erin. Maybe you got lucky.." I thought, "Absolutely NOOOO WAY. It was way too fast for any sort of notification of any sort." I opened it up. And they had mailed me a check to ERIN HANN for $330.73. They mailed my payment back, to the wrong person, with interest.




ALLLL that to say.. tonight I have a tax appointment. Please pray for me. (I have received 3 of my 4 W2's. Weyerhaeuser's has still not arrived.) It's not looking good.

Misplaced Modifiers

I was reading a blog today and stumbled onto a misplaced modifier and it made me laugh:



"I grabbed my camera while Matt snored and threw a gray pea-coat over my pajamas."




Love it.




You know what I love more? That it's raining outside!!!! I love the rain.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Trader (Not Traitor) Joe's

** I don't know what it is? I've edited and edited this post so that it's not one gigantic paragraph and nothing works!!! I had it all broken up into profound sections with titles and was really going for effect. And now this post is just -bleh- because it's like reading a monologue. Why can't I fix it?**




So.. my very wonderful boyfriend Adam and my very wonderful (I'm a liar) self have been *drumrolllllll* working out. I know. Me. Working out. I know. I laughed too. I know. I said "Good for me, it'll never last." But we are 3 weeks in and have no plans to stop. Adam has been so cute.








Cute #1:
He attends Master's which happens to have a gym that students can go to. Because he is the chaplain and because he is pretty much amazing all over the school he is able to get me in to the gym.








Cute #2:
Adam spent his time reading through countless articles on what would be the best workout for me to boost my metabolism and shed some pounds.








Cute #3:
He has stayed by my side teaching me and helping me and counting the reps with me as we've used the machines.








Cute #4:
He lets me fill up our cup with diet soda or iced tea when we go out to grab food.








Cute #5:
He's BUFF!! That guy can lift so much weight! And I'm really helpful to him. I've taken up counting for him and it goes like this: "One. Twizzle. Thrizzle. Frizzle. Fizzle. Sizzle. Sezzle. Eizzle. Nizzle. Tizzle."









So it's been good. I'd been mentioning to him that my jeans weren't fitting anymore and that the armholes (sleeves? :)) on all my shirts were squeezing my arm fat. So he has been really encouraging and motivating to my flesh.





NOW..The Disciplines (???) - This is where Trader Joes comes in:





At this point in time I haven't completely given up Dr Pepper. It's my favorite and I hate to say goodbye to such a dear friend. SOOOO in an effort of moderation I am allowing myself a day of rest. On Sunday, I can drink Dr Pepper. As much as I want. Sunday is limited though because I have church all morning and all night. That gives me a Dr P at lunch and a Dr P after night church.



I've also stopped bringing PBnJ to work everyday. Instead I've started making a weekly trek to Trader Joes. They have some great salads there. My favorite would of course be the Caesar, but I won't allow myself the pleasure. That one is 450 calories.


My next favorite though *drumrolllllllllllllll* is the Reduced Fat Greek Salad.










(look I found a measly pic of it online) It is so good! Gives me onion breath but for a filling lunch of 130 calories I will take onion breath. I've also started buying their presliced red apples. I throw 2 major handfuls into a ziploc baggie and they are my midmorning snack and they really hit the spot.





And FINALLY:





After 3 weeks of exercising, eating more healthy, and drinking only about 6 Dr Peppers. I have lost *drumrollllllllllllll*





2 pounds.




(Doesn't being a girl stink? Adam is working out so he can get even more buff and eating enough for 3 grown men. I'm exercising to lose weight and am eating enough for a 4 year old (unless you are ElliSue Richard who is a 3 year old that eats enough for 3 grown men).)






What I've Learned?:



1)Nizzle and Tizzle sound a little bit bad.



2)Diet Pepsi is way better than Diet Coke.



3)What struvite is. Thank you Trader Joe's.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Anna and David's Wedding

There are bunches more that Adam took, but these are the ones he sent me.. so I'm using them!







































Santa Barbara (The Drive and The Food) Pics



















Monday, February 9, 2009

Ode to Pastimes
















On Saturday evening, Adam and I drove to Santa Barbara to attend a wedding. I remember my days of beach camping at Refugio State Beach with Tash and her family and inviting some of the youth group kids to tag along. Those summers on the drive home we would stop at Tinker's and get burgers and a chocolate malt. I hadn't been there in YEARS, but was really wanting to stop by once I found out Adam and I were going to Santa Barbara. So we did! The burgers did NOT disappoint! I did, however, refuse to buy a chocolate malt because a small cost $4.08 plus tax. I thought that was pretty ridiculous.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Obama Interview on Religion

I don't post this as a way to say "Obama is not a Christian." or as a way for people to comment at the end with some typical typed note saying "This is scary." or "I fear for what is to come." I'm tired of hearing that.. instead offer some wisdom or some insight or some applicable scripture.. things along those lines..

I post this simply so people can read exactly what Obama, himself, has to say about religion. I post this as a way for us try to understand him. And as a way for us to prepare for the things that lie ahead. I think this is a great resource that gives us a glimpse into Obama's heart and head. And I think that this really is an insightful preface to the journey he will take America on.

(There is also a link for a free audio download for her, Cathleen Falsani's, lateset book. I haven't checked it out yet, so I'm not endorsing it until I know what it says.)

________________________________________________

Obama's Fascinating Interview with Cathleen Falsani
Tuesday November 11, 2008
The most detailed and fascinating explication of Barack Obama's faith came in a 2004 interview he gave Chicago Sun Times columnist Cathleen Falsani when he was running for U.S. Senate in Illinois. The column she wrote about the interview has been quoted and misquoted many times over, but she'd never before published the full transcript in a major publication.

Because of how controversial that interview became, Falsani has graciously allowed us to print the full conversation here.


Falsani is one of the most gifted interviewers on matters of Faith, and has recently published an outstanding memoir called Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace. To get a free download of the audio book, click here.

* * *

At 3:30 p.m. on Saturday, March 27, 2004, when I was the religion reporter (I am now its religion columnist) at the Chicago Sun-Times, I met then-State Sen. Barack Obama at Café Baci, a small coffee joint at 330 S. Michigan Avenue in Chicago, to interview him exclusively about his spirituality. Our conversation took place a few days after he'd clinched the Democratic nomination for the U.S. Senate seat that he eventually won. We spoke for more than an hour. He came alone. He answered everything I asked without notes or hesitation. The profile of Obama that grew from the interview at Cafe Baci became the first in a series in the Sun-Times called "The God Factor," that eventually became my first book, The God Factor: Inside the Spiritual Lives of Public People (FSG, March 2006.) Because of the staggering interest in now President-Elect Obama's faith and spiritual predilections, I thought it might be helpful to share that interivew, uncut and in its entirety, here.
--Cathleen Falsani

Interview with State Sen. Barack Obama
3:30 p.m., Saturday March 27
Café Baci, 330 S. Michigan Avenue

Me: decaf
He: alone, on time, grabs a Naked juice protein shake


FALSANI:
What do you believe?

OBAMA:
I am a Christian.

So, I have a deep faith. So I draw from the Christian faith.

On the other hand, I was born in Hawaii where obviously there are a lot of Eastern influences.

I lived in Indonesia, the largest Muslim country in the world, between the ages of six and 10.

My father was from Kenya, and although he was probably most accurately labeled an agnostic, his father was Muslim.

And I'd say, probably, intellectually I've drawn as much from Judaism as any other faith.

(A patron stops and says, "Congratulations," shakes his hand. "Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Thank you.")

So, I'm rooted in the Christian tradition. I believe that there are many paths to the same place, and that is a belief that there is a higher power, a belief that we are connected as a people. That there are values that transcend race or culture, that move us forward, and there's an obligation for all of us individually as well as collectively to take responsibility to make those values lived.

And so, part of my project in life was probably to spend the first 40 years of my life figuring out what I did believe - I'm 42 now - and it's not that I had it all completely worked out, but I'm spending a lot of time now trying to apply what I believe and trying to live up to those values.


FALSANI:
Have you always been a Christian?



OBAMA:
I was raised more by my mother and my mother was Christian.

FALSANI:
Any particular flavor?

OBAMA:
No.

My grandparents who were from small towns in Kansas. My grandmother was Methodist. My grandfather was Baptist. This was at a time when I think the Methodists felt slightly superior to the Baptists. And by the time I was born, they were, I think, my grandparents had joined a Universalist church.

So, my mother, who I think had as much influence on my values as anybody, was not someone who wore her religion on her sleeve. We'd go to church for Easter. She wasn't a church lady.

As I said, we moved to Indonesia. She remarried an Indonesian who wasn't particularly, he wasn't a practicing Muslim. I went to a Catholic school in a Muslim country. So I was studying the Bible and catechisms by day, and at night you'd hear the prayer call.

So I don't think as a child we were, or I had a structured religious education. But my mother was deeply spiritual person, and would spend a lot of time talking about values and give me books about the world's religions, and talk to me about them. And I think always, her view always was that underlying these religions were a common set of beliefs about how you treat other people and how you aspire to act, not just for yourself but also for the greater good.

And, so that, I think, was what I carried with me through college. I probably didn't get started getting active in church activities until I moved to Chicago.

The way I came to Chicago in 1985 was that I was interested in community organizing and I was inspired by the Civil Rights movement. And the idea that ordinary people could do extraordinary things. And there was a group of churches out on the South Side of Chicago that had come together to form an organization to try to deal with the devastation of steel plants that had closed. And didn't have much money, but felt that if they formed an organization and hired somebody to organize them to work on issues that affected their community, that it would strengthen the church and also strengthen the community.

So they hired me, for $13,000 a year. The princely sum. And I drove out here and I didn't know anybody and started working with both the ministers and the lay people in these churches on issues like creating job training programs, or afterschool programs for youth, or making sure that city services were fairly allocated to underserved communites.

This would be in Roseland, West Pullman, Altgeld Gardens, far South Side working class and lower income communities.

And it was in those places where I think what had been more of an intellectual view of religion deepened because I'd be spending an enormous amount of time with church ladies, sort of surrogate mothers and fathers and everybody I was working with was 50 or 55 or 60, and here I was a 23-year-old kid running around.

I became much more familiar with the ongoing tradition of the historic black church and it's importance in the community.

And the power of that culture to give people strength in very difficult circumstances, and the power of that church to give people courage against great odds. And it moved me deeply.

So that, one of the churches I met, or one of the churches that I became involved in was Trinity United Church of Christ. And the pastor there, Jeremiah Wright, became a good friend. So I joined that church and committed myself to Christ in that church.


FALSANI:
Did you actually go up for an altar call?

OBAMA:
Yes. Absolutely.

It was a daytime service, during a daytime service. And it was a powerful moment. Because, it was powerful for me because it not only confirmed my faith, it not only gave shape to my faith, but I think, also, allowed me to connect the work I had been pursuing with my faith.

FALSANI:
How long ago?

OBAMA:
16, 17 years ago. 1987 or 88

FALSANI:
So you got yourself born again?

OBAMA:
Yeah, although I don't, I retain from my childhood and my experiences growing up a suspicion of dogma. And I'm not somebody who is always comfortable with language that implies I've got a monopoly on the truth, or that my faith is automatically transferable to others.

I'm a big believer in tolerance. I think that religion at it's best comes with a big dose of doubt. I'm suspicious of too much certainty in the pursuit of understanding just because I think people are limited in their understanding.

I think that, particularly as somebody who's now in the public realm and is a student of what brings people together and what drives them apart, there's an enormous amount of damage done around the world in the name of religion and certainty.

FALSANI
Do you still attend Trinity?

OBAMA:
Yep. Every week. 11 oclock service.

Ever been there? Good service.

I actually wrote a book called Dreams from My Father, it's kind of a meditation on race. There's a whole chapter on the church in that, and my first visits to Trinity.

FALSANI:
Do you pray often?

OBAMA:
Uh, yeah, I guess I do.

Its' not formal, me getting on my knees. I think I have an ongoing conversation with God. I think throughout the day, I'm constantly asking myself questions about what I'm doing, why am I doing it.

One of the interesting things about being in public life is there are constantly these pressures being placed on you from different sides. To be effective, you have to be able to listen to a variety of points of view, synthesize viewpoints. You also have to know when to be just a strong advocate, and push back against certain people or views that you think aren't right or don't serve your constituents.

And so, the biggest challenge, I think, is always maintaining your moral compass. Those are the conversations I'm having internally. I'm measuring my actions against that inner voice that for me at least is audible, is active, it tells me where I think I'm on track and where I think I'm off track.

It's interesting particularly now after this election, comes with it a lot of celebrity. And I always think of politics as having two sides. There's a vanity aspect to politics, and then there's a substantive part of politics. Now you need some sizzle with the steak to be effective, but I think it's easy to get swept up in the vanity side of it, the desire to be liked and recognized and important. It's important for me throughout the day to measure and to take stock and to say, now, am I doing this because I think it's advantageous to me politically, or because I think it's the right thing to do? Am I doing this to get my name in the papers or am I doing this because it's necessary to accomplish my motives.

FALSANI:
Checking for altruism?

OBAMA:
Yeah. I mean, something like it.

Looking for, ... It's interesting, the most powerful political moments for me come when I feel like my actions are aligned with a certain truth. I can feel it. When I'm talking to a group and I'm saying something truthful, I can feel a power that comes out of those statements that is different than when I'm just being glib or clever.

FALSANI:
What's that power? Is it the holy spirit? God?

OBAMA:
Well, I think it's the power of the recognition of God, or the recognition of a larger truth that is being shared between me and an audience.

That's something you learn watching ministers, quite a bit. What they call the Holy Spirit. They want the Holy Spirit to come down before they're preaching, right? Not to try to intellectualize it but what I see is there are moments that happen within a sermon where the minister gets out of his ego and is speaking from a deeper source. And it's powerful.

There are also times when you can see the ego getting in the way. Where the minister is performing and clearly straining for applause or an Amen. And those are distinct moments. I think those former moments are sacred.

FALSANI:
Who's Jesus to you?

(He laughs nervously)

OBAMA:
Right.

Jesus is an historical figure for me, and he's also a bridge between God and man, in the Christian faith, and one that I think is powerful precisely because he serves as that means of us reaching something higher.

And he's also a wonderful teacher. I think it's important for all of us, of whatever faith, to have teachers in the flesh and also teachers in history.

FALSANI:
Is Jesus someone who you feel you have a regular connection with now, a personal connection with in your life?

OBAMA:
Yeah. Yes. I think some of the things I talked about earlier are addressed through, are channeled through my Christian faith and a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

FALSANI:
Have you read the bible?

OBAMA:
Absolutely.

I read it not as regularly as I would like. These days I don't have much time for reading or reflection, period.

FALSANI:
Do you try to take some time for whatever, meditation prayer reading?

OBAMA:
I'll be honest with you, I used to all the time, in a fairly disciplined way. But during the course of this campaign, I don't. And I probably need to and would like to, but that's where that internal monologue, or dialogue I think supplants my opportunity to read and reflect in a structured way these days.

It's much more sort of as I'm going through the day trying to take stock and take a moment here and a moment there to take stock, why am I here, how does this connect with a larger sense of purpose.

FALSANI:
Do you have people in your life that you look to for guidance?

OBAMA:
Well, my pastor [Jeremiah Wright] is certainly someone who I have an enormous amount of respect for.

I have a number of friends who are ministers. Reverend Meeks is a close friend and colleague of mine in the state Senate. Father Michael Pfleger is a dear friend, and somebody I interact with closely.

FALSANI:
Those two will keep you on your toes.

OBAMA:
And theyr'e good friends. Because both of them are in the public eye, there are ways we can all reflect on what's happening to each of us in ways that are useful.

I think they can help me, they can appreciate certain specific challenges that I go through as a public figure.

FALSANI:
Jack Ryan [Obama's Republican opponent in the U.S. Senate race at the time] said talking about your faith is frought with peril for a public figure.

OBAMA:
Which is why you generally will not see me spending a lot of time talking about it on the stump.

Alongside my own deep personal faith, I am a follower, as well, of our civic religion. I am a big believer in the separation of church and state. I am a big believer in our constitutional structure. I mean, I'm a law professor at the University of Chicago teaching constitutional law. I am a great admirer of our founding charter, and its resolve to prevent theocracies from forming, and its resolve to prevent disruptive strains of fundamentalism from taking root ion this country.

As I said before, in my own public policy, I'm very suspicious of religious certainty expressing itself in politics.

Now, that's different form a belief that values have to inform our public policy. I think it's perfectly consistent to say that I want my government to be operating for all faiths and all peoples, including atheists and agnostics, while also insisting that there are values tha tinform my politics that are appropriate to talk about.

A standard line in my stump speech during this campaign is that my politics are informed by a belief that we're all connected. That if there's a child on the South Side of Chicago that can't read, that makes a difference in my life even if it's not my own child. If there's a senior citizen in downstate Illinois that's struggling to pay for their medicine and having to chose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer even if it's not my grandparent. And if there's an Arab American family that's being rounded up by John Ashcroft without the benefit of due process, that threatens my civil liberties.

I can give religious expression to that. I am my brother's keeper, I am my sister's keeper, we are all children of God. Or I can express it in secular terms. But the basic premise remains the same. I think sometimes Democrats have made the mistake of shying away from a conversation about values for fear that they sacrifice the important value of tolerance. And I don't think those two things are mutually exclusive.

FALSANI:
Do you think it's wrong for people to want to know about a civic leader's spirituality?

OBAMA:
I don't' think it's wrong. I think that political leaders are subject to all sorts of vetting by the public, and this can be a component of that.

I think that I am disturbed by, let me put it this way: I think there is an enormous danger on the part of public figures to rationalize or justify their actions by claiming God's mandate.

I think there is this tendency that I don't think is healthy for public figures to wear religion on their sleeve as a means to insulate themselves from criticism, or dialogue with people who disagree with them.

FALSANI:
The conversation stopper, when you say you're a Christian and leave it at that.

OBAMA:
Where do you move forward with that?

This is something that I'm sure I'd have serious debates with my fellow Christians about. I think that the difficult thing about any religion, including Christianity, is that at some level there is a call to evangelize and prostelytize. There's the belief, certainly in some quarters, that people haven't embraced Jesus Christ as their personal savior that they're going to hell.

FALSANI:
You don't believe that?

OBAMA:
I find it hard to believe that my God would consign four-fifths of the world to hell.

I can't imagine that my God would allow some little Hindu kid in India who never interacts with the Christian faith to somehow burn for all eternity.

That's just not part of my religious makeup.

Part of the reason I think it's always difficult for public figures to talk about this is that the nature of politics is that you want to have everybody like you and project the best possible traits onto you. Oftentimes that's by being as vague as possible, or appealing to the lowest commong denominators. The more specific and detailed you are on issues as personal and fundamental as your faith, the more potentially dangerous it is.

FALSANI:
Do you ever have people who know you're a Christian question a particular stance you take on an issue, how can you be a Christian and ...

OBAMA:
Like the right to choose.

I haven't been challenged in those direct ways. And to that extent, I give the public a lot of credit. I'm always stuck by how much common sense the American people have. They get confused sometimes, watch FoxNews or listen to talk radio. That's dangerous sometimes. But generally, Americans are tolerant and I think recognize that faith is a personal thing, and they may feel very strongly about an issue like abortion or gay marriage, but if they discuss it with me as an elected official they will discuss it with me in those terms and not, say, as 'you call yourself a Christian.' I cannot recall that ever happening.

FALSANI:
Do you get questions about your faith?

OBAMA:
Obviously as an African American politician rooted in the African American community, I spend a lot of time in the black church. I have no qualms in those settings in participating fully in those services and celebrating my God in that wonderful community that is the black church.

(he pauses)
But I also try to be . . . Rarely in those settings do people come up to me and say, what are your beliefs. They are going to presume, and rightly so. Although they may presume a set of doctrines that I subscribe to that I don't necessarily subscribe to.

But I don't think that's unique to me. I think that each of us when we walk into our church or mosque or synagogue are interpreting that experience in different ways, are reading scriptures in different ways and are arriving at our own understanding at different ways and in different phases.

I don't know a healthy congregation or an effective minister who doesn't recognize that.

If all it took was someone proclaiming I believe Jesus Christ and that he died for my sins, and that was all there was to it, people wouldn't have to keep coming to church, would they.

FALSANI:
Do you believe in heaven?

OBAMA:
Do I believe in the harps and clouds and wings?

FALSANI:
A place spiritually you go to after you die?

OBAMA:
What I believe in is that if I live my life as well as I can, that I will be rewarded. I don't presume to have knowledge of what happens after I die. But I feel very strongly that whether the reward is in the here and now or in the hereafter, the aligning myself to my faith and my values is a good thing.

When I tuck in my daughters at night and I feel like I've been a good father to them, and I see in them that I am transferring values that I got from my mother and that they're kind people and that they're honest people, and they're curious people, that's a little piece of heaven.

FALSANI:
Do you believe in sin?

OBAMA:
Yes.

FALSANI:
What is sin?

OBAMA:
Being out of alignment with my values.

FALSANI:
What happens if you have sin in your life?

OBAMA:
I think it's the same thing as the question about heaven. In the same way that if I'm true to myself and my faith that that is its own reward, when I'm not true to it, it's its own punishment.

FALSANI:
Where do you find spiritual inspiration? Music, nature, literature, people, a conduit you plug into?

OBAMA:
There are so many.

Nothing is more powerful than the black church experience. A good choir and a good sermon in the black church, it's pretty hard not to be move and be transported.

I can be transported by watching a good performance of Hamlet, or reading Toni Morrison's Song of Solomon, or listening to Miles Davis.

FALSANI:
Is there something that you go back to as a touchstone, a book, a particular piece of music, a place ...

OBAMA:
As I said before, in my own sort of mental library, the Civil Rights movement has a powerful hold on me. It's a point in time where I think heaven and earth meet. Because it's a moment in which a collective faith transforms everything. So when I read Gandhi or I read King or I read certain passages of Abraham Lincoln and I think about those times where people's values are tested, I think those inspire me.

FALSANI:
What are you doing when you feel the most centered, the most aligned spiritually?

OBAMA:
I think I already described it. It's when I'm being true to myself. And that can happen in me making a speech or it can happen in me playing with my kids, or it can happen in a small interaction with a security guard in a building when I'm recognizing them and exchanging a good word.

FALSANI:
Is there someone you would look to as an example of how not to do it?

OBAMA:
Bin Laden.

(grins broadly)

FALSANI:
... An example of a role model, who combined everything you said you want to do in your life, and your faith?

OBAMA:
I think Gandhi is a great example of a profoundly spiritual man who acted and risked everything on behalf of those values but never slipped into intolerance or dogma. He seemed to always maintain an air of doubt about him.

I think Dr. King, and Lincoln. Those three are good examples for me of people who applied their faith to a larger canvas without allowing that faith to metasticize into something that is hurtful.

FALSANI:
Can we go back to that morning service in 1987 or 88 -- when you have a moment that you can go back to that as an epiphany...

OBAMA:
It wasn't an epiphany.

It was much more of a gradual process for me. I know there are some people who fall out. Which is wonderful. God bless them. For me it was probably because there is a certain self-consciousness that I possess as somebody with probably too much book learning, and also a very polyglot background.

FALSANI:
It wasn't like a moment where you finally got it? It was a symbol of that decision?

OBAMA:
Exactly. I think it was just a moment to certify or publicly affirm a growing faith in me.

-END-


Cathleen Falsani is author of Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace. To get a free download of the audio book, click here.


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Filed Under: born again, cathleen falsani, christian, christianity, election day '08, is obama a christian, politics


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Monday, February 2, 2009

CyberGold

I just stumbled on this site that lists 100 Christian Women blogs. I thought it was probably a pretty good resource and thought I'd pass it along. I haven't check any of them out yet, but it seems legit.